Magpie’s Laundry

Magpie’s Laundry is my (very) small business. Originally, I was a declutterer and a lot of my work came through local estate agents for people selling their houses. Most of the textile work I did was a sideline of that decluttering / home organisation business – always in demand, but never the main strand of what I did, although I have always loved working with textiles.

Then along came Bellaboo, so I took some time off, and just as I was getting back into it, the credit crunch hit and the property market crashed and there was no more work. People who were selling were trying to minimise costs rather than maximise profit, and were just not interested in spending on what is seen as a luxury service. (I could debate this, but won’t).

So, that particular door seemed closed, and although we weren’t desperate for money, I kind of liked my financial independence and not feeling I needed to account for/justify my spending, so I wasn’t sure what to do next.

Key To The Open Door by Tawheed Manzoor (Flickr Commons)

The answer rather presented itself: I’d carried on doing a fair amount of textile work for various friends, family and other contacts whilst I’d had my ‘time-off’ with Bellaboo, because it generated a little income and it was manageable from the home studio space I already had. About that time, and almost by chance, I got hooked up with a pair of craft galleries via a couple of close contacts, and it’s kind of rolled from there. I’m about as busy with it as I want to be, but I’ve recently been going through a re-evaluation of what I want to do in my life as a whole, and where I want to go, and so naturally the whole Magpie’s business has come under that microscope.

It took a post from WAHMBizBuilder about the Marketing Funnel to bring things into perspective for me. Marketing has never been my strong point, mostly because I’m not great at self-promotion and networking – I’ve always relied on recommendations and word-of-mouth, and a small set of good, influential contacts in the past. So, although the Finance and admin sides are second nature and of course the product is just in the blood, I realised I’d been missing a trick.

Because the whole textile business has been rather ad-hoc and haphazard, I’ve haven’t had anything approaching a coherent strategy or marketing plan for it. This all sounds rather grand and pompous for the size of the business I run, but I think that the size is irrelevant. What it comes down to, is that I haven’t been maximising the potential of my business because I haven’t really thought my way through the whole thing. I’ve pretty much been depending on the top-end sales of big, commissioned items like the baby-clothes bed-cover patchworks and the wedding-dress counterpanes, bolsters, screens etc, and seeing the smaller items I do as a result of clearing out scraps and stash as almost throwaway items. In the lulls between the commissions, I’ve made them as and when I’ve got time in between personal projects and experimental pieces and haven’t viewed them as important to the overall business.

That needs to change.

I need to be more coherent about what I’m doing, and I need to focus more on the gallery businesses: to that end, I’m going to put a stop to the Etsy experiment. As things stand, I don’t have the time to promote it to get the best results from that marketplace, so it’s pointless working to supply the shop with enough stock to keep it turning over in the way the successful Etsy sellers do. Added to that, I don’t think my photography skills are sufficient to show my creations to their best effect. Maybe, when Bellaboo starts school and I have more time on my hands (I hope!)  then I’ll come back to it, but for now, I’ll let it run its course and that will be that.

Focus will shift onto the marketing model and the product offerings in the various bands of my ‘funnel’ in the two galleries … and also in working through what me ‘free/complimentary’ offering will be. I’m not sure about a newsletter, though that is an option, possibly on a quarterly basis, but what I do know for sure is that I need to revamp the website and attach a blog to it … content-wise, I think the blog will be mostly ‘new collection’ announcements, gallery events, and perhaps some tutorials, so it’ll not be the most frequently updated of creatures – perhaps linked to newsletter it could work? Needs some more thought, but the clarity is there that it is needed, and must be separate from *this* more widely ranging multi-stranded affair.

I also need to be a bit more structured in my approach to the smaller items, and making sure that I’m keeping a steady supply going for these, making sure the funnel remains ’stocked’ at the galleries AND that these are more closely linked in terms of styles and colours to the broad fashion themes and colours of the moment in both home decor and clothing. It means less time for my personal projects, or rather a re-prioritisation so that these creations are seen as a central and necessary part of the business rather than optional extras – because they may well lay the ground for more people coming in and commissioning the bigger, custom pieces from me.

I’ve had an initial discussion with one of the gallery owners in the last week, and she seems enthused and supportive of the idea (after all, more business for me helps her out too ) and suggested that I could offer hand-embroidery on these smaller items as an optional extra – great idea, I have *no idea* why I didn’t think of that myself ….

Another idea she suggested was workshops – the gallery runs sessions for clients with artists, as an opportunity to share skills and spread reputations – which I could do, probably quite easily for some of the smaller items – such as those I’d consider writing up blog tutorials for, but that’s a big step for me because of the social element, so I’ll think on that one for a while. It could be a future option, as is expanding on my projected (unpaid) session at Honey’s school with the after-school art group. Though I’m not sure whether I actually *want* to teach anyone of any age, it’s an idea that’s kicking around inside my head to the extent I’ve got an outline progressive 6-week course for 3 different levels of age/experience which I’ve committed to paper. Location is a big issue, though, because I really don’t think I want my house invading on a regular basis (that would mean I need to TIDY UP ). Still, it’s an idea, and one that I might find a way to work in one form or another ….

All in all, a fair amount to think about. It’s been a big seismic shift in thinking about the business, and about how seriously I take it – in the grand scheme of “things I want to do with my life”, it’s high up on the list and pretty much as non-negotiable as my writing. In that context, I need to make it a coherent and long-term viable business, and that means making sure I’m doing as much as I can to nurture and maintain it at all levels as I possibly can. If I don’t make it the best I can, no-one else is going to do the hard work for me.

And it looks like a little burst of hard work ahead for me. However, I believe it will be worth it. Wish me luck?

End of Quarter progress update . . .

Progress update for end of Q1 2009 . . .

I think it’s overall been a pretty productive one, although as always I find it difficult to recognise my own achievements and focus on where I’m ‘failing’, even though I *always* think I’m going to get more done in a day than I ever do! Still, I’m happy with the quality of the *work* that I’ve been doing, even if progress is slower than I’d hoped.  Time always seems to be my enemy – there’s always more I want to do than I ever have time to accomplish, and the constant juggling gets a bit wearing from time-to-time, and it’s difficult to accept that if I’ve had a good week with the children, then the house looks like a bombsite, but to keep the house clean means neglecting the children …. hello, no-win situation!! The problem is that I end up killing the time I’d use to look after myself – my down time when I’m not parenting, huswiffing or working – in order to keep up with these ‘tasks’, and so it’s the very personal diet and exercise elements that are falling off the radar, as are the handful of self-development targets I’d set myself. I can’t get to them without compromising on the ‘bigger blocks’ of the tasks. I know that rather than bemoaning a lack of time, I should re-prioritise the other things I do, but I’m kind of stuck in a rut with everything, where it’s too difficult (or I don’t have time ) to step outside myself to see what I *need* to do vs what I *want* to do, and prioritising accordingly.

Is there anything I could live with doing less of? The one thing that springs to mind is housework …. it’s something I keep coming back to – can I afford a cleaner to tackle the big cleaning jobs? Do I want a “stranger” in my house? How much time would that really save me? I can’t cut back on the time I spend with the children – until Bellaboo goes to school, anyhoo, nor do I want to cut back on writing time, or the time I spend on Magpies. That leaves precious little else to compromise on. I’m not sure where that leaves me.

One thing this last quarter has taught me, and that I’m facing reluctantly, is that I am getting older, and that I don’t have the stamina I once had. I’ve faced a string of injuries – from a badly torn trapezoid through carpal tunnel, twisted back and swollen knees – and a sequence of stupid coughs, colds, headaches and other minor upsets, all of which tell me that my body can’t meet the demands I’m placing on it any more. Which means that to do more, I need to urgently address issues of health and wellbeing – diet, exercise, and sleep. My hope is that by making myself focus on those areas in the next quarter, by eating right, sleeping well and exercising regularly, I will actually find I have the energy, concentration and focus to better meet the targets I’m setting myself elsewhere, and keep up with the delightful mix of different and interesting activitie s on which I spend my life.

1) Writing  Work list/schedule:

Standard tasks:

- maintain schedule discipline of write/edit/submit a story every other week

In 13 weeks I have written 1 not-so-short story (21k!), edited 3 in detail, and submitted 10 times. Some of those submissions are re-subs of rejected stories. I feel odd about realising that I’m actually on top of the schedule, in so far as I’m sticking to the average of 1 submission every other week, because I’m not writing anything new, nor am I working the backlog. In reality, I haven’t been dropping out of the ‘big’ projects I’ve been working on to hit the short stories, I’ve been rounding up once I’ve finished a project. I think that’s still OK, because I’m averaging around a month on each of the projects, so to slot in a two-week interlude for short-storying etc in between each project is working well for me. Going forward, I think I’m going to make it a target to *add* one new story to the inventory (whether written from scratch or reworked from back-catalogue) each time I do a pass through. This month, it’s ‘In Skin’ which hit the 10-reject mark, and got an in-depth rework – I’m pleased with the outcome, so hopefully it’ll pick up a hit soon ….

- maintain current crit group commitments

Absolutely up to date on this one ….

- complete the “How to Think Sideways” course

I’m behind on this …. I urgently need to knuckle down and put in a good couple of weeks work on it. I got stalled out on the lesson that deals with synopses, query letters and proposals, because they’re so *not fun* and such high-risk activities that I just went into shut-down. However, I need to do these so as soon as I’ve got the Disconnection rewrite under my belt, I’m taking a time out and catching up. Honest.

 Anneth:

- finalise, prepare synopsis and query letters and get out on the submission rounds

Not started! I am so chicken!!! (Plus it’s with my critique group at the moment so will be back with editing needs …..) (and lots of other excuses). I will prepare the synopsis & query letter this quarter, put through any crit-driven changes in Q3 and get it out on the rounds by the end of September.

 Serpent of Colchis:

- complete edit by end of Q1 2009 – DONE!

 Disconnection

- rewrite by end Q1 2009

In progress. It’s a little more extensive than an edit write-in, since the edit pass I did a couple of years ago (the shame of it!!) showed up some major shortcomings which I’ve addressed, and I’ve added in an entirely new sub-plot which both links-in and underscores the main plot activity, so I’ve got about 15k of the original 80-odd-k I wrote that can be re-used, the rest is entirely new. I’m estimating around a 75k finished MS, of which I’ve got 19k written, mostly thanks to FMWriters ‘March Madness’ challenge to write 3k a day.

Writing 3k a day is a tough call when it means that I’ve got to generate 1k/hour out of my daily 3hr writing session. What I found was that I could maintain that sort of pace & intensity for the first 5 days without too much problem, but the last 2 days turned into a real battle for words. At least part of the problem was that this wasn’t standard ‘first draft’ writing, where the words just spill onto the page in more-or-les random fashion, this is a re-write and is a much more controlled and calculating process, less ‘muse’ and more ‘me’ with much closer attention on technical details than I’d normally put into a first draft. So it’s been much more draining as an exercise. My conclusion is that for *this project* what I’m going to do is maintain an intense 5-day-on @ 3k words schedule, but then effectively take the weekends off for critiquing and short storying and blogging and reading and other *fun* things, to stop my enthusiasm stalling to the point where I can’t bear to look at the damn MS. AGAIN.

Textile arts/crafting – from a business perspective, this is more or less where I want it to be right now, though I have branched out to an Etsy shop this year. There are a couple of objectives I want to state, though they feel a little nebulous at this stage.

- try 1 new stitch, technique or craft I haven’t tried before each month

- shame on me! I’ve been so manic, the only new thing I’ve tried is smocking. I liked it, I think I will do it again, and can see several applications (just not in clothing) where it could make a glorious decorative statement. It is rather a labour of love, and once I’d mastered the stitches it’s rather monotonous to do – I’m not sure I’d want to smock an adult garment, for example!!!

- stick to my ‘buy handmade’ pledge

I’ve not bought much for either the house or for myself this year, beyond some supplies for Magpies and a couple of gifts. Sadly, the boy presents I got were stock-from-toyshop because I wasn’t organised enough on the handmade front to get something in time, and it’s difficult to find *good* handmade toys and games for children over toddler age, particularly boys who aren’t necessarily interested in personal ornamentation. Difficult, but not impossible – will try harder!

- stick to my ‘wardrobe refashion’ pledge

on track with that! Have done some refashions for both me and Bellaboo, more to follow …. in my (copious – hah!) spare time …

- do at least one of Marysa’s lovely courses at the Otter Bindery

It’s still on the agenda, but I’ve not been able to get to one recently …. I’m devastated that this weekend she’s doing Japanese Book-Binding and I can’t make it. No FAir!

Personal - not so much here, though with so much going on in the above two, one of them must be:

- REMEMBER I HAVE A FAMILY

- I will take at least 2 weeks holiday this year

 - oooh, ooooh – I’m on track with this!!! I took  a week off for Feb half-term!!!

- I will try at least 1 new thing with at least 1 of my children every month

- well, kind of, but not in a structured way …. I took Bellaboo to the swimming pool & we both had a fantastic time just splashing about. One to try again. Rumpus & I made chocolate chip banana cake. I think he enjoyed cleaning the bowl out more afterwards …. I need to be more relaxed about both mess and the need to do things exactly right, but I think the important thing is to appreciate the one-to-one time that we otherwise miss out on. That came to light in full effect with Honey last weekend …. for whatever reason (mainly her deep immersion in Harry Potter) we hadn’t had any one-to-one time for ages, and on Sunday I washed & conditioned her hair & gave her a head massage and then sat and brushed and dried it to salon standard over the brush – it was just gorgeous to spend the time with her, and made me realise how overlooked she gets because she is so mature and steady and doesn’t need the constant “supervision” the younger ones get. Doesn’t seem fair she misses out, really. My objective is to try to get Bellaboo to sleep and then spend a bit of time with Honey once the others have gone to sleep, just chatting or sewing or playing scrabble/shut-the-box/uno/whatever. I think she needs it – her teacher says she’s rather lost her way this term, and whilst her symptoms match up with classic pre-teen, I don’t think that means I can (as the school helpfully suggest ) just wait it out.

- I will work through the “How to talk/how to listen” book

shame on me! Haven’t even opened it ….

- go to bed before midnight at least 4 times a week

oh dear. can’t remember the last time I did …. tonight, I will!

- Books/Reading

- I will read at least 20 books this year, and I will (try to) not buy any more books (excl below) until I’ve caught up my backlog

- Crystal Line – Anne McCaffrey

- Tortilla Flat – John Steinbeck

- Perfume – Patrick Suskind

- I will catalogue the existing collection on Library Thing

8/32 shelves listed, 3 cartons not even started. A long way to go ….

- After cataloguing the existing collection, I will rationalise it, and divest duplicates, those I won’t read again and the misfits in the first edition collection

- I will reinvest the proceeds of any divestments in new acquisitions that fit with the first ed/rare collection

- house and garden

- grow more fruit and veg this year than we did last year – stick to the planting and maintenance plan

well, that at least is on track …. garden is starting to come together, and the potting shed is looking like day-of-the-triffids …. need to start planting out and getting further successional sowings done. April is a bit manic on the gardening front, I don’t see that much else is going to happen!

- reduce waste again to 1/2 a bin bag every week

That’s going pretty well, and we got an unexpected bonus as the council have announced a switch to wheely bins plus kitchen caddies for food waste as of September, so that’s all good. I look at our 1/2 to 1 bag per week against next-door’s  usual 5 or so, and wonder if I should offer to help them reduce theirs …..

- take another 5% off our total energy usage for the year

My crusade to minimise electricity usage continues in the face of familial intransigence: tho the children have mostly got the “TURN IT OFF” message, t’o-m is consistently the worst culprit, despite my best efforts to represent money-saving aspects …. sigh. The battle has a way to go, but we’re more-or-less holding steady against last year – which is actually pretty good, considering the addition of laptop & Wii to the household. I’ve signed up for Selvedge’s pledge to turn off the tumble-dryer, tho admittedly it won’t save much because it more or less exists with an ‘in emergency break glass panel’ isolation and only really gets used for desperate & immediate nappy needs, and/or holiday packing.

- declutter and redecorate loft, improve my workspace

Did a massive declutter and reorganise, but little has happened since then. I need to decorate and put some shelving up, so that I can shift the 3 big boxes of books onto shelves, and evacuate the copies of Economist/New Scientist/Resurgence/National Geographical out of their storage boxes & onto shelves where theyre more accessible. Difficult to set aside time to do it, because my task-time in the week is Bellaboo’s sleep time – so drilling & that sort of carry on is not an option. Sigh. Looks like it might be a rainy-weekend’s work later in the year ….

- list and sort out all the little leftover jobs now the refurb is finished

Well, we made a list, and it’s more or less been allocated. It’s just a question of working through it now! Things are starting to happen – the kitchen walls are finally de-tiled, re-plastered and ready to paint. We’ve got, we think, a solution to the missing kitchen-floor-tile situation, subject to t’o-m being able to prise them off the floor somewhere else intact. Curse you, Porcelanosa, for discontinuing our tile!!!!

- and last but not least, get my BMI back down to 22. It’s completely out of control since Bellaboo arrived, and I don’t think I can call it baby fat any more. It’s just fat. It must go.

Well, the least said about this, the better. It’s one step forward and 2 back at the moment. I’ve been trying to get into a routine with it, and have been stymied at every turn by illness and injury – either my own or others!! I am, though, determined not to bail out on this, so once I’m clear of the latest cough (me), swollen knee (me), stomach bug (Rumpus) & clock-change induced insomnia (Bellaboo) I’m getting right back to it. I *so* need a Time Turner. Still can’t find one on ebay!

A winter-storm of discontent

The last week has, in any terms, been pretty crappy and I’ve ended up getting totally derailed in so many ways and on so many different fronts it has been a real act of bravery to remind myself what it is that I’m doing and WHY it is that I’m doing it.

Last Monday, I started a pain in the junction between my neck and shoulder. Initially, I thought I’d slept on it  funny, but as the day went on it got progressively worse, so that by the time I’d got the kids off to bed I was a whining, snivelly shell of a woman, stinking of self-pity and wearing my misery like a leper’s bell. Paracetamol and wheatpacks just didn’t cut it in the pain-relieving stakes, and my general sense of wellbeing was further eroded by the news that some evil bastard had nicked my name, address and credit card details and was quite happily ordering stuff for themselves and billing it to me. So, on top of all the pain, I had all the stress of contacting the company concerned and telling them to cut off this putative Ellsea, cancelling my card and all the associated CIFAS aggravation. I am sure it must have been online somewhere that it happened, but having virus checked the laptop and computers here AND checked back through my transaction histories the last couple of months, I’m totally stymied, which is a real worry, because now I don’t know which of my regular purchases I can’t trust.  I hate stuff like that, people taking advantage and using me to get what they want. It’s a real invasion of privacy. I’ve had to work for what I’ve got, why the bloody hell can’t they? Scum.

On Tuesday, the pain was much, much worse. I couldn’t turn my head or move my neck without enduring total agony, and I had arranged to drive to London (I know, total lunacy) to see my sister and brand-new nephew, delivering several bags of baby clothes and other gubbins in the process. I should have known the fates were against me when I hit a traffic jam on the way out of the village where the children go to school and sat there for 30 minutes making little-to-no progress. When we finally got moving, I bless the satnav makers who provide me with such goodness as trafficmaster and detour planning, because it took me backroads and put me on the A3 literally 100yards ahead of the accident that was causing a tailback as far as the junction I usually would get on at. Euphoria shortlived, because of course as soon as you get past Roehampton, you’re effectively into London and driving becomes a teeth-grinding test of nerve and endurance. I’m a pretty relaxed driver, I like to go fast when it’s safe, but I’m not competitive and I like to be courteous. So, of course, I’m like a lamb to the slaughter in London traffic. I have *never* been so scared in my entire life. The levels of stress, aggression and risk-taking associated with driving in London, the lack of space, the snarl-ups, the lack of proper signalling, road positioning and other standards that ensure a smooth and safe journey are so enormous that I honestly think that driving in London ought to be a certifiable action. I mean, you’d have to be mad to do it on a regular basis, or else it is something that would make you insane? And then there’s the parking. Now, I know that it’s a cliche, and it’s been said so many times before, that the parking permit and traffic warden (except they are now called Civil Enforcement Officers) system is purely and simply a revenue generating exercise for councils, but in cliche there is often truth, and in truth there is always mileage. So. I acquire my one day visitor parking permit. I scratch out the necesary boxes, careful to scrape all and only the appropriate ones. I fill in my reg nr etc, check I’m parked in a bay relevant to the permit, check that I’ve displayed the thing in the appropriate place. As I’m getting Bellaboo out of the car, one of these CEO’s watches me, I see him looking at the permit, I ask him if it’s OK. He’s noncommittal (perhaps they are only allowed to talk if they are issuing a ticket?), so I take this to mean that there is not a problem – otherwise he would have told me, right? (yeah, right). And off I go to visit my sister and the delightful baby, who is very cute and still at that all-curled-up newborn stage (but man, when he’s hungry, he knows what he wants!!) Bellaboo was very sweet with him & kept kissing him on the head and was generally intrigued, and since we came back has been carrying around Honey’s little Baby Bjorn and kissing it a lot and pronouncing ‘babby’ very proudly. Ahhhhhhh. ANYWAYS. We get back to the car after a lovely, lovely visit and lo and behold: A BLOODY PARKING TICKET. Apparently, my permit was invalid. In what way? I have no idea. Now I have a couple of choices. I can appeal. Who knows how long that will take, which puts me in a  quandary regarding the fine. If I pay within 30 days, it’s £40, but it doubles to £80 if I take longer. If I appeal and lose and it takes longer than 30 days, I have to pay £80. Which makes it tempting to sod it and just pay the fine, which I guess is what they are counting on. I don’t want to pay it, and I don’t think I should pay it, but I’m not sure I have the energy to tackle any further bureaucracy at the moment, because on Wednesday . . .

I received my Child Tax Credit award notice. And I immediately notice that I have acquired two children under the age of 1. Now, I know I don’t have twins, and that’s the only way it ought to be physically possible (though I guess mathematically it could be done, it’s just not something I want to contemplate). So, I have to phone the tax office to correct the erroneous dates of birth. Great. I just *love* hanging about on phone lines waiting to talk to someone. I honestly have nothing better to do with my time. (NOT!). I phone up, and start to jump through the hoops of security questions. My bank is quite happy with 2 questions, as are most other on & off line service providers. Not so the Inland Revenue, who want to know, it seems, my last recorded weight, height and hair colour before they will talk to me. Tellingly, the one piece of information I have to provide is the number and dates-of-birth of my children. I tell her, and explain very nicely that this may not coincide with their records, because they have incorrect information on their systems for those same dates of birth (this information is not shown on the form they have sent me, so I don’t know what they have input). The woman on the phone apologises and tells me that she is now not allowed to talk to me because I can’t correctly answer the security questions. I point out, very politely, that I have answered 5 other security questions correctly, and that I can’t give her the information she wants because I don’t know what her co-worker input erroneously into the system. Again, she apologises and says she can’t talk to me any further. I ask to speak to a supervisor, but am told that I will get the same response. I ask if I can write, and am told that they only accept phone correspondence and will disregard a letter. So I ask her how I am meant to solve this problem, and she again apologises and tells me that she is not allowed to help me. If it wasn’t for the concern that at some point in the future I am doubtless going to get shafted by the IR for providing false information on this subject, I’d think it was the most hilarious farce. Coming on the back of everything else, it is just annoying and bloody typical of the faceless bureaucratic bullshit that is rife in this country. Personal responsibility and accountability and autonomy dissipates in the face of enormous inflexible computer systems. In my mind, this has just strengthened my internal conviction that we should give the database state a huge heave-ho. Imagine if that had been the entirety of my personal records, and I was completely unable to access them? Coming on top of having my identity hacked (I refuse the word ‘victim’, I don’t like it. I will not be made into a passive receptacle of someone else’s vitriol), this is particularly worrying.

Actually, the rest of the week started to pick up, insofar as no fresh annoyances crawled out of the woodwork to plague me. The pain in my neck and back, however, showed little sign of letting up and turned me into the most dreadful whiny creature, and it was so bad I couldn’t write and couldn’t exercise, so all those goals started to slip, and I even struggled with sewing because looking down hurt. So, with everything slipping away, I fell into the awful vicious circle of pain-stress-misery-comfortbiscuiteat-guilt-stress-pain-misery-comfortbiscuiteat-guilt-misery-stress-pain-comfortbiscuiteat-guilt- (you get the picture) and it crippled me far, far worse than the actual pain did. I was trapped in this cycle and just drowning (or perhaps wallowing?) in this sea of awfulness. It made me realise just how quickly and how easily I could slip away from the path I wanted to be, when I had felt so up and good and empowered, into this black void of depression – and I could feel it sitting there, waiting to jump on me.

I think I got lucky this time. Some timely advice from twitterific friends (thanks @Sally & @TrevorMendham) got me onto icepacks and voltarol pain relief gel and reducing the pain helped me get focus back. I’m still clinging on by my fingertips a little, but in the last couple of days I have caught up (finally) on my How to Think Sideways coursework, AND finished a short story that ended up breaking the 20k barrier (and my o my is that going to need some major editing!) AND finished a couple of refashions – a black wrap with embroidered purple border to go around Bellaboo and I when she’s in the sling and a cute little tunic top for Bellaboo – AND I saw an advert for “power pramming” which looks like it could be good fun AND good exercise, AND I did a major declutter of our loft, AND read Anne McCaffrey’s Crystal Line (and enjoyed it, too).

So, despite the potential for derailment, I did manage to get a lot done in the week so I feel like it hasn’t been wasted. I guess the BIG learning points for me are:

1) Shit happens, deal with it and move on

2) Plans are not set in stone, I need to be flexible and change things around as and when needed

3) I should acknowledge and value what I have done, instead of dwelling on what I have not done

4) As long as I keep my key words – COMPLETE and ENJOY – as my guiding lights, I’ll stay on track

Point 3 is a huge step for me. I am always far too quick to step up and give myself a kicking over the things I have not done. Based on looking over the list of what I *did* do (and that leaves out all the normal, house-and-family-daily-maintenance activity I handle), I can’t even begin to describe last week as a waste of time or opportunity. I used my time in a slightly different way to how I had planned it. That doesn’t make it (or me) a failure.

I feel lucky. This is the second set of events that could have set me off into a massive downward spiral, but I’ve managed to pull myself. I know I need to get more on top of my personal health and fitness – not exercising has had a big negative impact on me, and I know I neglect myself, and particularly that my diet suffers horribly, when I’m miserable. *That* is something I will need to get to the bottom of, but I’m holding it off for now. I don’t think I’m ready to go there just yet. I don’t think I’m going to like what I have to deal with. And yes, that is a head-in-the-sand approach, but it feels right for now. (Terminally chicken? Damn straight).

The big task for this month is the Serpent of Colchis edit. And guess what? Serendipitiously, over at ForwardMotion, there’s an edit dare. I am *so* in that. I have a little crit-and-submit catchup to do, but I’m pretty much back on track. It’s looking possible.

Anatomy of a project

I get so much satisfaction working with textiles, it’s an activity that absorbs me completely and that I enjoy so much – taking something from conception to completion and solving all the problems of design and material and construction along the way, and the opportunity to learn new techniques, to refine old ones and to get a better understanding of how different textiles handle under different circumstances and in different combinations fascinates me.

I’ve spend a good part of this month working a tiny patchwork in my spare time – it’s just under A4 size but I’m very pleased with the outcome and don’t begrudge the time it’s taken. Sometimes it’s nice to take a time out from working for other people and to do something for myself.

I started with a sketch of what I wanted to do – a combination of square, wild goose and hexagon patches and drew it up properly measured out.

 

 

I had a lot of pieces of blue and complementary colours from a patchwork piece I did from children’s clothes a couple of years ago. (Yes, I am the most dreadful magpie when it comes to hoarding fabric). I cut out and pinned the measured paper pieces to the fabric. Each piece of paper was numbered and had an arrow to show right way up . . .

 

This was necessary because when I get to this stage – all the little pieces cut out – I would otherwise have no idea where they all went!!

Once I got to this stage, the next task was to baste all the pieces onto a backing fabric – in this case a remnant of light cotton from a set of curtains. I make this difficult for myself because I like to preserve the detail of the original garment if I can, so pretty hems and buttonholes and pockets have to be incorporated rather than chopped out.  And so the patchwork starts to take shape – I am too impatient to take the path of virtue and baste everything before I put it together – I like to see it all come together as I’m working through. Regardless of method, I am happy with how the different elements work together and the textures and colours of the fabric:

When I’d completed the patchwork itself, I framed it in strips of old white linen salvaged from an antique napkin that was on the verge of disintegration and backed the whole thing onto a page made from old calico curtain lining – ivory, though in retrospect I think white would have looked better – hemmed in chevron stitch.

And then, because I can’t leave well enough, I played with some lettering and did a combination of different techniques to put my mark on it!

 

M – embroidered satin stitch, lettering comes from a Calligraphy Source book I adore.

A – beaded letter – the beads were salvaged from an old junk-shop necklace – very pretty blue glass but with lilac inners . . .

G – not terribly clear, but the piece of lace suggested the letter so I appliqued it in place with very tiny stab stitches so they don’t show at all!

 

The ‘P’ is a yo-yo, with the tail just a gathered oval in the same fabric

I – an small strip of vintage beaded trim that came out of my gran’s sewing box . . .

E – embroidered, shaded satin stitch, tho I didn’t change colour . . .

S – used buttons to form the letter shape, all from stash.

 

 

 

 

L – stem stitch embroidery

A – I love this little piece of pleating. *Such* a fiddle to do, but I’m really pleased with how it came out.

U – simple back stitch embroidery, punctuated with French knots at each end.

N – two shirred strips from a piece of cotton voile out of stash

D – a cute ruffle from a piece of salvaged muslin and another yo-yo from a thicker piece of linen with a lilac check.

R – stuffed applique, the denim is leftover from one of the dresses I’d used in the patchwork

The ‘Y’ I am probably least happiest with. I used an offcut of a nasty amethyst polyester satin to make a double row of flounces (I’d bought it to make Honey a princess dressing-up outfit). It didn’t cut well. I wanted a nice pinked edge, but the fabric snagged in the shears and fluffed it more than I would have liked, and because it was so small the flounces didn’t quite stand up the way I wanted them to. Ah well, we live and learn, tho I think that adding the beading redeems it, and it still looks sweet and in character with the rest of the lettering.

And – ta-daaaaa – here’s the finished article. I’m happy with that – it rather neatly conveys a picture of what I’m about and what I do - what do you think?

Progress report

Ah, well. In the flush of the first week, it’s of course been all positive!

I haven’t really got cracking on the writing/editing front yet, as I’ve got a little bit of  a backlog to catch up on, but I’m into the routine of writing a piece for submission every other week, which has meant that this weekend has been set aside for working on the new article idea – influence of feminism on spec fiction, an area of endless fascination, and as much because I was interesting in having a structured explore of the subject than anything else. Interesting how the roots are entwined between the genre and the movement, and what I think is fascinating is that the genre, despite (largely false) stereotypes & perceptions, is actually more open to a feminist agenda than mainstream fiction, which tends to largely reinforce the anti-intellectual perception of woman as a subservient doll to men . . . .  at the risk of sounding rather strident, which I’m not. But there you go – working on this article has been useful in forcing me to be a little more coherent about my own views on the subject, and although I wouldn’t define myself as a feminist by any stretch of the imagination (neither in women’s lib terms nor in modern-post-modern-feminist terms) I guess I do, ultimately, share a lot of common ground with the movement.

In other areas – I’ve been working on a sample patchwork which is done, I’ve bordered it with strips off an old linen napkin that was falling apart (and the remnants have triggered a further idea), and now I’m using it as a test bed for different types of embellishment experiments. It’s huge fun, though I’ll have to set it aside as I need to get to work on a couple of refashioning commissions.

On the personal front, I’ve lost a whole pound . . . wheeeeee . . . . though it’s probably gone back on as – normally activities apart – I’ve not done any proper exercise since Tuesday. Not sure how I’m going to squeeze that into my routine, given that we’re back into the full routine as of tomorrow. We’ll see . . . 

We were out in the garden today, so nice to get a bit of fresh air and sunshine, though the afternoon turned seriously cold again. The leaves are pretty much raked up, though I’ve still left behind some of the dead growth because I think, for example, the umbelliferous dead heads of the fennel and its cousins look so pretty in the frost . . . 

Apart from that, not much done apart from playing with children this weekend. I’ve caught up my current backlog of pictures and images and got them all framed and up on the walls, which has reduced the stash of salvaged frames to a single box. So that’s good. I’ve got the calendars up and running for the year, and my mother-inb-law gave me a fantastic organiser – I don’t use it so much for the diary function, but it has a list-space on each date which seems to be exactly how much I can get done in a day, so it’s become my to-do list! Working a treat so far, tho we’ll see how it goes next week when the pace is upped again.

It’s good to feel so positive at this time of year, to have so much to look forward to. I’m still tremendously excited about the year ahead, and a week into the year I’m on top of the plan and it’s feeling achievable. A key test will be when I start to hit the ‘Serpent’ edits in a week or so (once I’ve caught up on my ‘Think Sideways’ backlog ) – if I can keep on the pace with that, then I know the schedule’s do-able.

Bring it on!

beware, hubris

So, after finishing up my planning last night, and confidently declaring my goals for this year, my list of things I’d like to get done, the universe reminded me that I was unlikely to get a plain go at it, and that I needed to expect the odd iceberg.

I managed to acheive 1 objective by getting to bed before midnight (11:59 counts. It does). And then I couldn’t sleep. A conspiracy of caffeine-laden dark chocolate, the freezing-cold-ness of the night (I’m *so* having an extra blanket tonight) AND the *ding* lightbulb of realisation of exactly how I’m going to make over that slightly faded and worn pale pink knitted turtle-neck tank-top managed to keep me ticking until at least 1:20, at which point I forced myself to do some serious yoga-breathing and eventually fell asleep.

Only to be awoken at 4 am by Bellaboo, in the midst of a teething crisis involving an urgent requirement for a nappy change, a pyjama change, nappy salve and calpol. All of which woke Rumpus, whose demands to be accomodated instantly in the parental bed were rudely declined . . . which in turn triggered a crisis of epic proportions.

Needless to say, I was a little frazzled (but rather proud of my goddess-like calm and compassion in the face of infantile intransigence and upset) by the time it was all resolved. HARDLY what one would deem ideal preparation for the first day back at school.

Then, to add insult to injury, when the alarm shouted me awake at 6:30 am, I looked out to discover that the weather had had the gall to SNOW in the night. This made the routine twice as difficult as it needed to be, since requirements for getting dressed, gathering necessary equipment like school bags and PE kits, and eating breakfast were constantly undercut by demands to go in the garden and build snowmen, make snow angels and have a snowball fight. Does anyone ever have the heart to explain to children that you need considerably more than 1 cm of snow to fulfill*those* sorts of projects?

Finally, we set off, but not before I have called rumpus (amongst other things) a retard for his complete inability to put his shoes on the correct feet when asked to do so and turned into what can only be called a shrieking banshee. I don’t care how little sleep, it’s not a good look on anyone, and I’m sure the neighbours must think I’m a total harpy now.

Halfway down the road, an accident has closed it (gah! when will people in this country realise that unless you have studded tires or chains on, your brakes DON’T WORK on snowy, icy roads?) and the fire brigade won’t let us walk past the accident because it might upset the children. Which is fair enough, and I understand this, but now we have to walk home and get in the car, because the only other way to school is what is normally a 15 minute drive. Not today. Oh no. Today, it takes 30 minutes, and we are late for school, and it takes me a further 45 minutes to get home. And we only had 1 cm of snow. It is absolutely RIDICULOUS how entirely unable to cope with any sort of adverse weather conditions we are. It makes me wonder how on earth humans have managed to survive as long as they have. Maybe there is a protecting deity, after all.

I decide against taking  Bellaboo to her baby gymnastics class (sounds far more impressive than it actually is ) and opt for a quiet morning hibernating . . . bad choice, it turns out, because within 30 minutes she’s racing her trike around the living room/playroom circuit. Which is fine. It becomes totally not fine, however, when she decides to ram the hearthstone with the trike. Rather predictably (if you’re an adult, I suppose) an inch-high slab of polished slate stops the trike in its tracks, but the laws of physics being what they are, Bellaboo continues her onward trajectory. SPLAT! Face first onto the fireplace. Initially, I thought the trike handles must have cut into her little belly, but as she draws in the almighty breath for the scream that is coming (BREATHE!) I realise that she has a very nasty gash on her forehead, where she’s connected with the protruding metal handle that controls airflow into the stove.

BLOOD! Everywhere, screaming baby, I’m trying to apply clean dishcloths and ice to the wound but she’s not having it, and we’re only going one place – Accident and Emergency.

I drive like a (very careful) lunatic to the hospital, conscious that on icy roads I don’t want to be messing about with corners and trees and the like, abandon the car and rush like a demented person into A&E clutching a howling and bloodstained baby. Needless to say, we are seen instantly – nurses and doctors appear as if by magic (never before have I seen that – previous emergency visits have always been anxiety-riddled tedium with brief bursts of activity punctuated by long hours of sitting around waiting for our turn) – and Bellaboo is examined (she doesn’t like it, very forcefully and at the top of her voice) , cleaned up and put under observation.

For 4 hours.

For the first couple, she does a passable impresion of a dying swan. By the end, she’s running around and playing with the toys and chatting to the nurses and other children in the waiting area as if nothing’s happened.

Eventually, with a glued and butterfly-stitched wound, we are sent home – with a mere 30 minutes before we need to go and collect the others from school. This is not how my day was supposed to go.

But once everyone came home from school, an air of calm descended on the place. Honey and Rumpus were tired after their first day back (Rumpus particularly so after last night’s excursions and alarums), so they watched Nim’s Island on DVD, Bellaboo played with her shape-sorter, and I got the remainder of my patches backed and pinned ready for sewing. It’s just a  sample piece, a mini-experiment with the wild geese pattern I’ve not tried before, and combining different patchwork patterns into the same piece (so the finished piece will be no more than A4 size), but it’s starting to come together now . . .

So, in those terms, I am where I want to be (more or less) with that particular project. I had a new batch of hair clips/barrettes and brooch pins arrive today as well, so of course I’m itching to start on those – it’s taking all my self-discipline to hold off until I’ve finished this little patchwork panel.

Then, this evening, I launched into my writing session, and managed to hit a fine vein of form, and have accomplished what I diarised as two days work in less than a single session.

So, I’m feeling very high and very pleased with myself, but I am taking today’s events as a caution. However, I think it is a good test of my planning that despite the adverse conditions, I still achieved what I wanted to do with time to spare . . . but I’m taking the warning that I shouldn’t be complacent about this.

I know I’ve set myself some pretty agressive targets this year, and today I was lucky that I was still buzzing with possibility and had the energy from somewhere and motivation and desire to hack away. I need to remember today, and make sure I can call up that feeling any time, and under any conditions, because I suspect that life has a way of throwing days like today at you more often than is entirely welcome.

And on that bombshell, I’m going to bed, no doubt to lie awake thinking what I can do with my extra writing session (actually, I already know – I’ve got the germ of an idea for a non-fiction article . . . . . . . . . )

(did I mention that non-fiction articles and short stories are interchangeable in the overall scheme?)

2009 targets

I’ve been turning these over in my mind for a few days now, giving myself a chance to prioritise and work out tasks vs time available (always a difficult balancing act), as my wish list is always a lot longer than the amount of time I ever have to do it all in. But I think this is realistic and acheivable, and I reserve the right to move deadlines around on a quarterly basis, depending on how I’m doing with everything.

I’ve got some catchp to do before I can get stuck into the list, but I’m itching to get started.

1) Writing - always top of the pile, and always the longest list. I’m focussing on getting some of the backlog moving rather than starting a whole bunch of new novels – I feel the need to consolidate, edit and hone rather than build myself another tower of unusable first drafts. Some of this bleeds in 2010, but I’ve got the whole schedule here in case I lose my paper copy and/or my windows calendar dies. Work list/schedule:

Standard tasks:

- maintain schedule discipline of write/edit/submit a story every other week

- maintain current crit group commitments

- complete the “How to Think Sideways” course

 Anneth:

- finalise, prepare synopsis and query letters and get out on the submission rounds

 Serpent of Colchis:

- complete edit by end of Q1 2009

 Disconnection

- rewrite by end Q1 2009

- edit by end Q2 2009

Contain This Hour

- rewrite by end Q2 2009

- edit by end Q3 2009

Sere (working title)

- this is the new ‘Think Sideways’ project, so it will run through the year. I’m planning the major writing as my Nanowrimo for this year, with a view to pushing on and finishing the draft by end Q4 2009

- edit by end Q2 2010

Lest Ye be Judged

- rewrite by end Q3 2009

- edit by end Q1 2010

Storyteller of Akal

- rewrite Q1 2010

- edit by end Q3 2010

Textile arts/crafting – from a business perspective, this is more or less where I want it to be right now, though I have branched out to an Etsy shop this year. There are a couple of objectives I want to state, though they feel a little nebulous at this stage.

- try 1 new stitch, technique or craft I haven’t tried before each month

- stick to my ‘buy handmade’ pledge

- stick to my ‘wardrobe refashion’ pledge

- do at least one of Marysa’s lovely courses at the Otter Bindery

For next year (2010), I’m thinking that with Bellaboo starting pre-school, I’ll have more time on my hands, so I’m going to gear up for doing a couple of craft fairs, and will also get myself organised and apply for full membership of both the Embroidery Guild and the Surrey Guild of Craftsmen.

Personal - not so much here, though with so much going on in the above two, one of them must be:

- REMEMBER I HAVE A FAMILY

- I will take at least 2 weeks holiday this year

- I will try at least 1 new thing with at least 1 of my children every month

- I will work through the “How to talk/how to listen” book

- go to bed before midnight at least 4 times a week

- Books/Reading

- I will read at least 20 books this year, and I will (try to) not buy any more books (excl below) until I’ve caught up my backlog

- I will catalogue the existing collection on Library Thing

- After cataloguing the existing collection, I will rationalise it, and divest duplicates, those I won’t read again and the misfits in the first edition collection

- I will reinvest the proceeds of any divestments in new acquisitions that fit with the first ed/rare collection

- house and garden

- grow more fruit and veg this year than we did last year – stick to the planting and maintenance plan

- reduce waste again to 1/2 a bin bag every week

- take another 5% off our total energy usage for the year

- declutter and redecorate loft, improve my workspace

- list and sort out all the little leftover jobs now the refurb is finished

- and last but not least, get my BMI back down to 22. It’s completely out of control since Bellaboo arrived, and I don’t think I can call it baby fat any more. It’s just fat. It must go.

 

If it doesn’t kill me, that little lot should keep me out of trouble for a while . . . wish me luck, and I’ll let you know how it all goes!

2008 Review

Well, here we are at the end of another year, so I suppose it’s inevitable that I’m sat here taking a moment to reflect on everything that has happened this year, before opening the ground of 2009 and setting my goals for next year.

It’s been a funny year, with more than it’s fair share of ups and downs, though it feels right now that there have been more ups than downs.  That in itself is telling, given that the last 5 Christmases since my Gran died have been appalling, with depression sucking me into the darkest of black holes and suffocating me to the extent I’ve been almost completely paralysed by misery. This year is different – perhaps enough time has passed, or perhaps the therapy has paid off , or perhaps it’s just that we weren’t forced into a huge, pressured all-family affair and were able to stay at home, just the five of us, and not perform to any else’s timetable or expectations. Whatever the reason, it has been very welcome to have a Christmas that I’ve taken pleasure in, and felt relaxed over.

The single biggest change has been adjusting to Minnie Bellaboo’s arrival – last Christmas she was only a couple of months old and we were in total chaos. This year we are probably still in chaos, but it’s chaos that has our own distinct rhythms to it, so is manageable. She has grown into such a strong personality too, she’s no wallflower shrinking into the background given two very noisy, determined and extroverted siblings, and it has been a delight to watch her blossom and hold her own amongst the big ones, carving her own little niche in this family.  Rumpus started school in September, and he’s changed so much – he seems so much more settled and confident, though the maths obsession remains – his teachers are impressed, I’m more cautious about it (the A spectre will intrude, though I think I’m worrying unnecessarily). Honey continues to excel at everything she does – I’m so proud of her talent and hard work I think I could explode – she’s such a sweet, gentle soul, but she gets on and gets what she wants all the same. I feel very fortunate to have the three of them in my life – I don’t know how I ever got on without them.

We’ve made some major lifestyle changes this year, the chief of which has been cutting the supermarket out of our lives. It has worked a treat. We get a family organic fruit&veg box every week from a local supplier, and I’ve found the most marvellous farm just down the road where we can get home-produced meat and eggs and locally sourced dairy and cheese, and the co-op and other local village stores have more or less supplied all other needs this year.

It has been surprisingly easy, and what has astonished me is that 1) less choice is actually easier to deal with, 2) shopping can be a pleasure instead of a horrific ordeal and 3) that it costs us less to buy totally fresh produce and make all meals basically from scratch. Next year I’m hoping that I’ll get more time in the garden and we’ll be able to eat much more of our own produce than we did  this year. We’ve significantly reduced our vehicle usage – t’o-m cycles into work and we walk whenever possible (thank heavens for the baby sling), so we’ve saved hugely on fuel bills too. Ebay has been a revelation as a source of clothing for the entire family – being able to buy a massive bundle of children’s clothes for less than I’d otherwise have to spend on a single outfit has been mind-blowing, and of course the knowledge that by opting out of the textile/fashion industry we’re turning our back on a huge tranche of unsustainable and wasteful consumerism fills me with joy. I know we still have some blind spots to focus on, and that we’re not in a position to be smug or complacent about it, but I feel that we have again moved towards a much greener lifestyle, living more lightly on the world that sustains us than we were before.

Magpies Laundry is such a natural extension of that philosophy, I’m so pleased it’s taken off so well this year. At the beginning of the year it was nothing more than the germ of an idea and a few patchworks and memory quilts I’d done for friends and what was essentially a life-laundry service via local estate agents (bottom has *so* dropped out of that market – it’s dead and gone). At the end of the year, here I am, a commissioned textile artist in TWO craft galleries, with a full order book for the next 2 months (credit crunch notwithstanding)(so far), and I’m about to open a little Etsy store, just to see how that flies – another string to my bow – though I think I’ll hold it at that, since I don’t want it to eat into either my writing time, nor get so big that Bellaboo has to go into formal childcare. When she starts preschool then I’ll maybe expand it more, but that’s a way off and I’m not planning that far ahead just now. (big step forward, that, not overplanning my life!)

I haven’t acheived as much as I wanted this year with my writing – but then I started late. It took me until May to get back to the pc, and although I kept reminding myself that in paid employment with normal benefits and salary etc, I’d get a whole year off for maternity leave, it didn’t quite wash. But then I’m my own worst critic, so it wouldn’t be right if I gave myself a break. But when I look back on the last six months of work, I think I can be pleased with what I’ve done. Starting Holly Lisle’s ‘How to Think Sideways’ has opened an entirely new door on my writing, and I’m gaining so much from that it’s just phenomenal – I’ve got some incredible ‘doh!’ moments when something totally obvious has highlighted a huge gap in my thinking and/or writing that I’ve been blind to up to that eureka moment. And the sweet-spot map has given me the keys to understanding why a number of perfectly adequate stories have been left to rot. I haven’t written a huge amount of new material, but I have reviewed and consolidated what I do have, and I feel ready to launch into a major programme of work next year to start turning it around into saleable inventory, AND I’m building up for a novel – I can feel it growing and kicking in the belly of my mind. I listened to a Doris Lessing interview on Radio 4 this morning, and she said that writing was torture, but that not-writing was worse, so she always goes back to it no matter how painful she knows it’s going to be. I can identify with that. The discipline of maintaining a (short) story every other work is a good one, and I am glad I’ve taken it on, in part because it’s starting to yield results and in part because my critical eye is getting better in sorting the wheat from the chaff in my stories. This is helped hugely by the crit groups I’m involved in over at Forward Motion – identifying strengths and weaknesses in other writers’ stories and craft is an enormous help to my own. I think I’m going to brave the shark-infested waters of Roving next year, though I’m not sure how regularly I’ll be able to make it there, given that I had to drop out of a short-story group because I couldn’t hack the pace. One for the backburner. I relished the success of my non-fiction publications, but I’m not sure I’m going to follow it up with more, regular, journalism. Fiction is my love, and I don’t want to divert too much time away from it – I’m battling for every second and going short on sleep as it is to even get close to what I want to do.

It’s all feeling and looking good, and I can’t remember the last time I felt so positive going into a new year. I feel as though my attempt to both realise my dreams and to decompartmentalise the different areas of my life and integrate them into a coherent whole is yielding results, and I wonder why I lacked the courage to give it a shot up until now. I guess the conditions weren’t right for me to be forced into bravery? Or perhaps I just needed to mature to a point where I could understand what makes me tick and how to channel that knowledge into productive activity, rather than just running the hamster wheel of wishing and pushing and stressing and never looking to see if the view is changing. Or needs changing.

How was your year? What changed for you this year? How do you feel about next year?

Let’s hope it’s a good one.

 

And finally, some top stuff for the year . . . . not all of these were new this year, but they were new to me . . . do you agree? What’re your picks?

Best Film: Mamma Mia

Best DVD: Bourne trilogy

Best TV Show: Heroes

Best Album: Tie! Santogold and Kings of Leon

Best Book(s): The Algebraist, Iain M Banks, Runt Niall Griffiths and On Chesil Beach, Ian McEwan

Political event of the year: there can be only one. Barack Obama’s election.

Whassup?

I’m trying to catch up with myself, and reassure myself that although I’ve been running about like a blue-ar**d fly I have managed to accomplish something, though it feels woefully like I haven’t.

We survived last week. That is a major achievement, given the level of stress, illness and activity we had to get through. We have done, between us, one gymnastics class, one music class, one toddlers christmas party, 2 kindergarten christmas productions, 3 primary christmas productions, 4 colds and 5 ballet exam coaching sessions. Minni Bellaboo has overcome 3 new teeth a cold and an MMR injection. Rumpus just is. Honey did her ballet exam today. It was lovely to have some her-and-me time on the way there and getting her ready. The school do such a fantastic job on them, getting them ready. Her hair looked absolutely stunning and I almost didn’t recognise her, she looked so ethereal – she wa impressed too, because she refused to take it all down when she got home . . . . of course, now she thinks I can reproduce it. oh dear. But she absolutely bounced out of the exam, so we’ll keep fingers crossed for a good mark. Another milestone passed. Rumpus announced that he wants to do ballet. I think it’s a fantastic idea . . . maybe he’ll be the next Adam Cooper (oh, be still my beating heart), though his daddy is not very happy about it, no matter how much I tell him what an incredibly demanding physical challenge ballet is for male dancers . . . we shall see. I guess he’ll do a couple of lessons, hate the discipline, and drop it. Still, he does Karate, so maybe, just maybe . . . .

On the textile front, I’ve shifted a huge amount in the last month or so . . . I’ve done an extra-large multi-pocket shopping bag with embroidered flower, a velvet lavender pillow with beading and embroidery for a 90th birthday, a number of small lavender pillows for the mill, a blue silk evening bag and one patchwork playmat for a baby. phew! Now I’ve just got one more project to do before Christmas and then I’m done and can please myself. I’m itching to do some experimentation – I got a fantastic book on manipulating fabric (Colette Wolff : The Art of Manipulating Fabric) and I’m desperate to experiment with some of the techniques in there. I need to take some time off and please myself, get some new ideas going with it all . . .

On the writing front, I have finally finished the edits on ‘Anneth’. I’m pretty pleased with it, and think it’s pretty strong. It’ll be up in my crit group from January, so I’m a bit nervous/excited how it’ll go down there, particularly as there are a number of non-fantasy readers in the group. When I look back on it’s first incarnation, when I had only the vaguest notion of plot, I am stunned by how far I have come in terms of my writing. It’s encouraging, but I fear I have still a way to go with it. Which is why I’m setting myself a target of finishing the disconnection rewrite for April, and the ‘Serpent’ edit as well. I desperately need to get some more work up out of the first draft pile and into some sort of productive state, and I’m looking forward to that.

‘in skin’ got rejected by the edge online. I have given it the quick once over and sent it straight back out again to Interzone. Fingers xxxxxxd

‘afternoon of thorns’, the shortlisted piece from MsLexia got the same treatment and is ready to go . . . to the Chattahoochee Review. I need to get into town to the big post office, as it’s the only place I can get IRCs. Such a pain in the a**e that I can’t buy it online, and that the USPO are not selling US stamps abroad. I bet I could get them on ebay, if I could be bothered . . . .

I’m reworking ‘pony of the north wind’ for les bonnes fees. It’s the only place I can see that does fairy tales, so it looks like a one-shot deal, there or nothing! So, it’s got to be perfect, and they set the bar pretty high. Wha’s good is that I can see the major flaw in the story – it lacks conflict – so I need to have a good long thing about who my protagonist/antagonist is, what they need and how it twists, all within the constraints of the genre. What I’ve got is well written, but there’s no real story there, and that’s what I need to dig up. I’ve got some ideas, tho.

It concerns me slightly that I’m not writing anything new at the moment – lots of ideas, but nothing concrete. I don’t know, though. I’ve got a lot of back-catalogue that I need to go through and either turn into active inventory (to borrow a Jay Lake term) or retire, permanently. Not just short stories, novels as well. I’m in a real edit phase at the moment, all very left brain, and I don’t have that spark for writing. After Christmas, I must reignite it and get back to the regular discipline of writing because I know I’m capable of indefinite procrastinating on this and that’s no good.

I’m glad I’ve been through this. It makes me feel less hopeless . . . and makes me realise that I’ve done quite a lot, because this doesn’t take into account any of the regular ’stuff’ involved in running a house and large-ish young family AND that I’ve had a stupid cough/cold/sorethroat/thing going on for the last two weeks as well. Sometimes I wonder if I’m forcing my body to make promises it just can’t keep up with the late hours, lack of serious exercise (beyond the school walk and the odd weights session) and total lack of relaxation.

I went to Nirvana Spa and had a total day off. I didn’t think I would enjoy it, was dreading it, really, because I couldn’t envisage a worse hell than doing nothing all day, but it was heaven. From the moment I got there and had my first dip in the pool, through the float (which, incidentally, unblocked a major sticking point in the planning for the new novel, SERE) and the massage, it was just gorgeous to indulge and not have to worry about anything or anyone else. I’m now counting the pennies and working out when I can do it again. The massage, particularly, was a revelation – the delightful Kelly told me she’d never come across such tight shoulders before, and spent a fair amount of time chasing a big lump of knotted muscle around. She had to give up in the end, but told me I needed to get it sorted. Humph. Like I have time . . . .  BUT, a reminder that I do need to switch off every now and again, and a big “hello, my name is ellsea and I’m a workaholic” moment. Even people with regular jobs get time off. I need to give myself a break, take some time off, kick back and relax. Maybe in the new year . . . .