It’s torture

07Sep09

Desk (3)

I’ve been itching to write CONTAIN THIS HOUR for so long now, and I had last week scheduled out to start into it – a scene a day, over six days, would have given me pretty much the first couple of stories for the collection.

Did it happen?

Of course not.

I couldn’t settle, couldn’t fix my mind to it, couldn’t set aside the other distractions and demands on my time to give this story, this little, precious, gem, my full attention and let it out.

Admittedly, I did have a lot going on last week. The children went back to school, so there was a fair amount of rushing about to get them ready, and I needed to get myself back into the regularity of that routine, and re-establish my own rhythms in the house after a long 7 week break from reality. One of the most important has been getting back to my textile work after a long break – establishing priorities, schedules and a workplan to develop a small collection of autumn/winter pieces for the gallery, AND starting to work up a couple of commissions I have orders for. On top of all that, we hosted my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary celebrations over the past weekend. All-in-all, I guess I had a lot on my plate.

What I can’t quite figure out is whether these are excuses, or reasons. I can come up with more: I owe some crits to my reading groups, the pressure of them is weighing on me, diverting my energy, even though I have time scheduled later in the month to work on them.

At the end of the week, I’d managed the grand total of a single scene, a mere 1800 words. It’s dreadful: to have this desire, this urge to write, and then to be unable to fulfil it. It’s pure torture. I want my writing mojo back. I want to be able to sit infront of the laptop and let the words pour out, to let the story come alive on the page.

Right now, it feels as though I’m having to rip it out of my soul, screaming and kicking, and fight everything in my life to keep it there.

I hope it gets easier.

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2 Responses to “It’s torture”

  1. Wow, I know I’m not privy to the whole saga, but you sound like Wonder Woman. The things you just described would send me into a need for a day off. Kids back to school [kids, extra points right off], event hosting, textile work/art, other obligations, reading group. And you wrote 1800 words AND posted on your blog here?
    Doesn’t sound like a completely fruitless writing week. Maybe you’re just warming up. Percolating! Pretty soon you’ll be bubbling.
    I struggle with prioritizing and sceduling, but you sound pretty clear to me. Anyway–good luck in your ventures. –Pearl

  2. lol, I have spangly boots and everything. (I wish!!)

    Thanks … I need a reminder sometimes about what I *have* managed to get done, otherwise I get caught up on my shortcomings.

    I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you’re right, and that this story will soon be bubbling away nicely ….


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